a doe and i.

i left something in my car

i always leave something in my car

 

as i walked outside my apartment
my cheap two bedroom apartment
my barely staying alive apartment
my don’t know what i’m doing apartment
my life is falling apart apartment

 

i noticed a doe standing at a distance
i noticed that a doe noticed me too

 

i didn’t know this doe
i didn’t know if this doe knew me
but we locked eyes on each other
like the first love i had
and the last one i lost

 

i didn’t know much about this doe
i didn’t know if this doe knew much about me
but it seemed as if we’ve known each other for awhile
but not in a good way

 

we continued to stare
as if the cars separating the space
in between us we’re just a
hinderance to what we have
and what we have not
and what we could have
and what we could not have
and what we had but couldn’t have‪

and what we wanted to have but you changed


and what i wanted out of you would never be the same
and what i had for you, you had it too
and then you had
but then you had not had
and what we could have
you couldn’t have it

 

and this doe knows it

 

i didn’t know this doe
but i feel like this doe knows me
as if it has been studying me my whole life
as if it had been the only thing that
knows me on a deeper level
as if i had let it in at one point

 

it stared at me like it knew me
and it hated me
as if it has known what i’ve done
what i’m doing
what i’m going to do
what i had to do
why i had to do it
why you made me do it
why you forced me to do it
why i lied awake almost every night
and why what i did
i never should have done
because i wanted you
but i should have done it too
because i never knew you
just like you didn’t know me too
just like you didn’t want me too
just like you wanted to know me
just like i wanted to know you
but you didn’t want me
but you did want me and then you didn’t want me
but i wanted you
i wanted you

 

i heard a noise in a bush behind the doe
and i knew what had come to be
i spent a few moments with this doe
but the doe never wanted to spend these moments with me

 

so i left this doe
and i did not look back

 

because pain is staring as life passes.
drifting leafs rest on rocky future.
and no doe is worth a moments flash
if she’s hiding a buck behind your back

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s